Subject: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho Fri Feb 06, 2015 11:30 pm
|~ Gen. Information ~| Aliases / Names: Kure Sho [NN] The Phantom Phoenix [NN] Phoenix Age | Birthplace | Gender: 16 Male Snowbelle City Trainer Rank: Adventure "Ninja"
|~ Characterization ~| Appearance:
Phoenix:
Personality: Phoenix is flexible he changes his plans so often no one can usually tell what he is thinking. He also help trainers and Pokémon become stronger both in battle and there bonds between them. He prefers to view Pokémon as equals and doesn't down talking them unless there training, and there having trouble understanding what he wants. He doesn't hate humans either even though he prefers Pokémon and/or being alone, he will hang around humans, though he hates it when the meddle in his affairs. Battle Style: Phoenix battle style is to be swift and confusing using a bunch of moves together to cause effects or to distract a Pokémon and there trainer so his can hide before the next attack. Usually unless there is no other choice he will be tactical about what he moves are and how they are applied. E.X. ok so lets say I was fighting a charmander with a Crookie I would have Crookie jump into the sun use double team then use quick attack. Past Experience / History: [spoiler="History"]
Back story:
When Kure was a infant about 8 months he was stolen by a rival ninja clan where he was trained in the art of confusion, where he learned to keep his battle style and personality different from each other. They raised Kure like he was clan born even though deep inside he felt different from the ninjas here were corrupt, not following the code of honor, which was obeyed by every form of ninja from the stalkers to youngest 開始 (Kaishi), to the eldest エンディング (Endingu). Kaishi is a title for the ones under the age of 5, and Endingu is a title for those who are the leaders of the clan. The ninjas in this clan disobeyed the code of honor, They gave away locations of hidden treasures for money and they even sold each other out to those who seek to destroy all ninja clans.
Though he used Pokémon his masters had to teach them the ninjas battle style, he never had any of his own which kind of saddened him until he was chosen to go to the market to grab supplies for the clan.
3rd person break:
Kure was walking down the market he had a cloak on over his stalker his red and black stalker suit encase a rival ninja tribe was walking are here for supply runs for there own clans. "I got the pokeblocks, the berries, and the cloth for Mr. Nikia," He said to himself. Mr. Nikia was a scientist who was hiding in the ninja clan. He paid the clan with technology the clan uses to hide in the rocky cliff side on which there village dwelled on. He felt an hand on his shoulder and stiffened. "Your coming with us Stalker from the シャドウ火災 (Shadō kasai)." The guy with his hand on his shoulder said in a threatening tone. Kure gripped the hand on his shoulder and flipped the man over his shoulder with much ease for he caught him off guard. He twisted the arm behind the mans back and held it there tightly. "Who are and where do you hail?" Kure said growling. "Kure Sho?" the man asked in a dis believing tone. Kure let the man go. "Kure! it is you." the man said as he gripped him in a tight hug. "Kure I'm your father Shishomoru sho, I'm from the 失われた雪 (Ushinawareta yuki) Clan" he said.
Kure shook his head, he picked up his things. "Your not my father, my father were killed on a mission to seek guidance from suicune." Kure said harshly. Shishomoru caought up with Kure. "Look you don't have to believe me your piercing eyes say you are from Ushinawareta Yuki, besides don't you feel different from the rest of your Shadō Kasai clan members?" he asked. Kure only nodded his head. before walking out of the town. "Look if you want to know the truth about what happened meet me at the border between our two clans." Shishomoru said before heading the other way.
Later that night, Kure sat up in his shake and thought about what happned today. If what Shishomoru, or who ever, said was true perhaps I could have a normal life, with a mother and a father, maybe I could finally fit in. he thought to himself before getting up and packing up his bag making a pit stop at Mr. Nikias' hut and stealing both the prototype notes blue prints and materials he brought for him and shoving them in his bag. The notes he stole was to a true stalker suit it would scan the area around him and make it appear on the reveres side of him. He sucked at hiding and thought this would help him besides it would give the Ushinawareta Yuki one up on the Shadō Kasai. From there he went straight to the borders between the two Rival clans.
At the meeting between Kure and Shishomoru, Kure learned about what happened when he was 8 months old, his real heritage, and the current statues of things in the clan. Kure decied to join the clan of his birth and so he went with his father. Though he wasn't welcome with open arms at first, but as soon as he burned the red and black stalker suite in favor of the icy blue and white stalker suit he was hugged, loved, and befriended my many.
Day that his journey started:
Phoenix woke up in his wooden hut, inside his hut looked more like a lab with computers, notes thrown about, along with other various machines. Phoenix rolled out of his bed. He had finished his cloaking clothes and needed to test them out. so he changed out of his standard white stalker suit and put on the black camouflage suit. He opened the wooden door and looked outside at the snow filled valley, called the Lost snowflake and, smiled as he notice it was still snowing. He pulled up the mask and hood and clicked a button on his sleeve. The clothes took a second to began working. It worked by sensors that tracked movement along with two tiny camera that scanned constantly behind and in front of him putting the images from the front to the back of him and the image in the back in the front. He looked at himself in the mirror, it worked he wasn't totally invisible but it would make it hard to spot him. The reason it didn't work was that there was distortion around him at the edges but that was to be expected.
There was a knock on his door. he turned off his suit as he opened the door. It was his mentor Anno Buncho. he stood there in his gray stalker suit. It was gray to symbolize that he was a master ninja. "Kure you have been promoted to ninja, and before you can reach any of the higher ranks you are required to go on a Pokémon Journey, and become one with Pokémon." Anno said as he handed him two pokeballs and a pokedex. "I can still remember when you were born, and when I was declared to train you when you came to age." he said lost in memory for a few moments, he shook his head for second clearing his head of those thoughts. "You have been given a gastly and like the rest a ancient Pokémon you have been partnered with a Anorith" he said before Phoenix and Anno bowed to each other before leaving using snow shroud, snow shroud is actually a shroud that was used here since there was mostly snow but they only had to say シュラウド (Shuraudo) for the object near by to cause a circle around the desired target and teleport it either to the user or to a location a short ways away. Kure hurried down the steps that were planted into the side of the mountain. Once he reached the bottom he rode a ponyta to the edge of the clan territory to began his journey.
Scratch Harden Mud Sport [TM] Double Team [EM] Cross Poison
Last edited by K9 on Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:14 pm; edited 4 times in total
Leo
12
Posts : 4328 Location : Sunagakure
Subject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho Sat Feb 07, 2015 10:48 pm
Approved~
Nishwishes
11
Posts : 1696 Location : England
Subject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho Sun Feb 08, 2015 11:10 pm
Sorry, but I'm overruling this. Not approved at all.
That is not a history. It is one flashback, giving absolutely no indication of how the guy became a ninja, why, anything else about his life. His personality is bland, and all it says is the typical cliche 'helpful and good with Pokemon yay!'. There is nothing else to him then at all? Nothing? That's it. Sorry, but this needs a lot of work before this character will be developed enough to be playable.
Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
7
Posts : 686 Location : between no and where
Subject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho Sun Feb 08, 2015 11:25 pm
do mind elaborating on how to make it better and please change the
Quote :
'helpful and good with Pokemon yay!'
comment it's coming off as a bit rude.
Nishwishes
11
Posts : 1696 Location : England
Subject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho Sun Feb 08, 2015 11:30 pm
The reason I put that in there is because it's a serious and very common pitfall when it comes to Pokemon applications. If we had the record of every character app before it was edited/elaborated/whatever, 90% of them would be 'this person loves pokemon/is really helpful with pokemon/hates pokemon abuse/gets along better with pokemon' and little else in the personality and even history section. And the quicker it's pointed out, the sooner you can prevent it again.
Your character is a person. They have led a life for sixteen years now. They will have flaws and neutrals and great points about them and they should be three-dimensional, realistic and rounded. It should be in the personality section. Their history should reflect that personality, it's what's shaped them and they intertwine-- what drives their choices, and if anything's changed them. Just browse approved apps, particularly those of admins and mods and they'll most likely be a good guide for you.
Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
7
Posts : 686 Location : between no and where
Subject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho Sun Feb 15, 2015 7:00 pm
Changes made can anyone but nish please take a look, not that I don't like you nish you confused me a bit with your wording.
Dragon Kurai
12
Posts : 4447 Location : On the hype train .3.
Subject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho Mon Feb 16, 2015 12:59 am
Personality: Your character's lacking a lot of depth here. To be perfectly honest, the only aspect I'm reading is that he views pokemon as equals and helps trainers and pokemon to bond further than they already have. Alongside this he doesn't like it when people meddle in his affairs. I'd personally like to see a lot more about his interests and dislikes, as well as how he tends to act in different situations. For example, is he temperamental or typically relaxed when not being interfered with? Is he an affectionate type or one of those "cold and to-the-point" people? Does he have any aspirations or inspirations?
Battle Style: While I can't say much for this field, I can say that it's a bit inconsistent with his personality. In his personality you write he is flexible and constantly changing plans; however, I see only one typical method he follows here. Also, I don't necessarily understand your example (though others might; don't hold me to that xD)
History: This is where I find myself greatly disappointed. To be perfectly honest, I feel the detail is a bit too much in both paragraphs. Each one is spent with him doing a single thing (the first paragraph he tests a suit, the second he gets told he's been promoted). Included with this is the fact it is just two paragraphs... Where's the backstory for the character? How did he become a ninja? What's a "snow shroud" as used in the second paragraph? How did he develop the suit he's testing? What of his parents, etc?
Basically, the character needs more depth than what's provided. That's what Nish was really aiming at.