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 Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho

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Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
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Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
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PostSubject: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8zFri Feb 06, 2015 11:30 pm

|~ Gen. Information ~|
Aliases / Names:
Kure Sho
[NN] The Phantom Phoenix
[NN] Phoenix
Age | Birthplace | Gender:
16
Male
Snowbelle City
Trainer Rank:
Adventure
"Ninja"

|~ Characterization ~|
Appearance:
Phoenix:

Personality:
      Phoenix is flexible he changes his plans so often no one can usually tell what he is thinking.  He also help trainers and Pokémon become stronger both in battle and there bonds between them.  He prefers to view Pokémon as equals and doesn't down talking them unless there training, and there having trouble understanding what he wants.  He doesn't hate humans either even though he prefers Pokémon and/or being alone, he will hang around humans, though he hates it when the meddle in his affairs.
Battle Style:
      Phoenix battle style is to be swift and confusing using a bunch of moves together to cause effects or to distract a Pokémon and there trainer so his can hide before the next attack.  Usually unless there is no other choice he will be tactical about what he moves are and how they are applied.
E.X.  ok so lets say I was fighting a charmander with a Crookie I would have Crookie jump into the sun use double team then use quick attack.
Past Experience / History:
[spoiler="History"]
     
Back story:
|~ Inventory ~|
Badges:
~Kanto~
~Hoenn~
~Johto~
~Sinnoh~
~Unova~
~Kalos~
~Other~

Money: $6,200
Items:
05x Pokeballs
|~ Pokemon ~|
Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho 092
Species: Gastly
Nickname:
Gender: Male
Level: 15
Experience: 0
Ability: Levitate
Personality:
Silent, obedient, quick,smart
Moves:

Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho 347
Species: Anorith
Nickname:
Gender: male
Level: 10
Experience: 0
Ability: Battle Armor
Personality:
Aggressive, silent, obedient, smart
Moves:


Last edited by K9 on Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:14 pm; edited 4 times in total
Leo
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Leo
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PostSubject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8zSat Feb 07, 2015 10:48 pm

Approved~
Nishwishes
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Nishwishes
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Location : England

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PostSubject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8zSun Feb 08, 2015 11:10 pm

Sorry, but I'm overruling this. Not approved at all.

That is not a history. It is one flashback, giving absolutely no indication of how the guy became a ninja, why, anything else about his life. His personality is bland, and all it says is the typical cliche 'helpful and good with Pokemon yay!'. There is nothing else to him then at all? Nothing? That's it. Sorry, but this needs a lot of work before this character will be developed enough to be playable.
Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
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Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
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PostSubject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8zSun Feb 08, 2015 11:25 pm

do mind elaborating on how to make it better and please change the
Quote :
'helpful and good with Pokemon yay!'
comment it's coming off as a bit rude.
Nishwishes
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PostSubject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8zSun Feb 08, 2015 11:30 pm

The reason I put that in there is because it's a serious and very common pitfall when it comes to Pokemon applications. If we had the record of every character app before it was edited/elaborated/whatever, 90% of them would be 'this person loves pokemon/is really helpful with pokemon/hates pokemon abuse/gets along better with pokemon' and little else in the personality and even history section. And the quicker it's pointed out, the sooner you can prevent it again.

Your character is a person. They have led a life for sixteen years now. They will have flaws and neutrals and great points about them and they should be three-dimensional, realistic and rounded. It should be in the personality section. Their history should reflect that personality, it's what's shaped them and they intertwine-- what drives their choices, and if anything's changed them. Just browse approved apps, particularly those of admins and mods and they'll most likely be a good guide for you.
Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
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Akuma Taigākabu toreburu
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PostSubject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8zSun Feb 15, 2015 7:00 pm

Changes made can anyone but nish please take a look, not that I don't like you nish you confused me a bit with your wording.
Dragon Kurai
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PostSubject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8zMon Feb 16, 2015 12:59 am

Personality:
Your character's lacking a lot of depth here. To be perfectly honest, the only aspect I'm reading is that he views pokemon as equals and helps trainers and pokemon to bond further than they already have. Alongside this he doesn't like it when people meddle in his affairs. I'd personally like to see a lot more about his interests and dislikes, as well as how he tends to act in different situations. For example, is he temperamental or typically relaxed when not being interfered with? Is he an affectionate type or one of those "cold and to-the-point" people? Does he have any aspirations or inspirations?

Battle Style:
While I can't say much for this field, I can say that it's a bit inconsistent with his personality. In his personality you write he is flexible and constantly changing plans; however, I see only one typical method he follows here. Also, I don't necessarily understand your example (though others might; don't hold me to that xD)

History:
This is where I find myself greatly disappointed. To be perfectly honest, I feel the detail is a bit too much in both paragraphs. Each one is spent with him doing a single thing (the first paragraph he tests a suit, the second he gets told he's been promoted). Included with this is the fact it is just two paragraphs... Where's the backstory for the character? How did he become a ninja? What's a "snow shroud" as used in the second paragraph? How did he develop the suit he's testing? What of his parents, etc?

Basically, the character needs more depth than what's provided. That's what Nish was really aiming at.
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PostSubject: Re: Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho   Kure "The Phantom Phoenix" Sho H6Q0F8z

 
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