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 Dante Syndacco

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Nishwishes
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Nishwishes
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Posts : 1696
Location : England

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PostSubject: Re: Dante Syndacco   Dante Syndacco H6Q0F8zFri Sep 05, 2014 12:27 am

I'm sorry, but I'd like you to start with a Growlithe rather than an Arcanine. Feel free to buy a fire stone or ask a mod to create a quest for one to earn early on if possible. As for your character's personality, I'd like more of an insight rather than the definition of just introvert. There must be more to him than just those few things. Also, introverts can be incredibly social, it's usually just that socialising too much or having their space invaded can drain them. In fact, many introverts hate having no friends or being alone, so I'd say that's inaccurate.

I see a few grammatical mistakes there, too, so I'll edit this post with them in a moment.

Grammatical stoof:

'why he would pick and choose'
'stay at home'
'doesn't need empty friendships'
'has a tendency'
'he is often viewed...'
Also, the first sentence of history is very long winded. You could use a full stop somewhere to break it up. However, most errors are very minor and I put in bold a word I'd add in to make the sentences grammatically correct. They also seem like errors that would stem from spoken habits rather than bad writing ones. I'd say you have little to worry about, just a bit to polish off! I'd love to mod you once your app is edited!

Also... Are you a Supernatural fan? ;D
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Nishwishes
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Nishwishes
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Location : England

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PostSubject: Re: Dante Syndacco   Dante Syndacco H6Q0F8zFri Dec 19, 2014 11:51 pm

A lot of stuff in your old character drew parallels, but anyway. If I do mod you, then I will certainly do that!

As for your character, I'd like to know exactly how he murdered and hid without leaving proof. Otherwise, it's almost approveable!
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Nishwishes
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Nishwishes
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Location : England

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PostSubject: Re: Dante Syndacco   Dante Syndacco H6Q0F8zSat Dec 20, 2014 5:59 pm

Accepted.
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PostSubject: Re: Dante Syndacco   Dante Syndacco H6Q0F8z

 
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