I have a joke!

XD true

how can you tell if there are 3 elephants in your fridge

cause you cant seem to shut the door XD

XD you love elephants in fridges

Why did the 1st Koala fall out of the tree? Cause it was dead.
Why did the 2nd Koala fall out of the tree? It was hit by the first Koala.
Why did the 3rd koala fall out of the tree? It thought it was a game.

(no its a series of jokes and you have to say them together for it to make sense) XD i know one like that

how do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge

cause theres a mini cooper parked outside(mini cooper joke refrence)

hahahaha XD

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."

XD ahaha sounds fun

why did the first monkey fall out of the tree....CAUSE IT WAS DEAD]

why did the 2nd fall out of the tree...cause it was stapled to the first

then why did the 3rd fall off...pier pressure

Hahahaha XD

"Hey, Pop," pleaded Angelo, "can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?" "Whats the matter with you?" asked his father. "Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?"

XD ha burn

ok this guy is driving down the street and a cop pulls him over and says hes speeding so he says sorry and then ties a rope to his car and the police offcers then gets in his car then the police officer asks why he did that and he said that way i go as fast as you(XD it was off the top of my head)

XD what a smartass lol

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tigers cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. "Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

XD the bus called shut the beep up XD

a lion was walking downtown and all these people yelled and ran but he kept walking so 1 man asked him where he was going and he said to narnia xD i ran out of more ill get some

XD

A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search.

Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.

He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."

He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses."

The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"

The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".

XD i would watch out for that pitbull

this guy walks into a bar and sees a huge gorrila and runs from it but then the bartender says its a costume so he gets a drink and goes home next day he sees the gorrila and he punches it in the head thinking it was a costume but it was a real gorilla then it punches him and his face breaks XD ooooh the irony

XD ironic much.

How do you get pikachu on a bus?
Pokemon

XD bit lame

lame, yes lol

How do you make a hotdog, a dog?
Cool it down

hahaha lol

What's faster hot or cold.

Hot cause it's easy to catch a cold

I wish I knew some non-racist/sexist/dirty jokes....I never knew many XD
101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Hooray for unnecessarily long posts...lol

hmm...mental note...attempt everything that Alekion just posted...at the same time...including Never make and Never Break Eye Contact...that should be fun XD

Yes must do everything That Alekion has posted...

Nah-nah-nah-nah Batman!
Nah-nah-nah-nah Batman!
Nah-nah-nah-nah Batman!
Batman! Batman! Batman!

how many people with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a light bulb

OOH A BIKE XD

hahaha that's hilarious. XD

What did the squrril say when he fell over?

My nuts!!!! XD

Now, that is cheesy X3

Cheesy jokes alertt:

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had
moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school.
I t was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk
they'd shared where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.'

On their way back ho me , a bag of money fell out of
an armored car, practically landing at their feet.
Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure
what to do with it, they took it home.
There, she counted the money:
fifty-thousand dollars!

Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.'

Sally said, 'Finders keepers.'

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood
looking for the money and knocked on the door.

'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag
that fell out of an armored car yesterday?'

Sally said, 'No.'

Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.'

Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile.'

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.

One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning'


Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..'

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here.'



Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said,
"I built a big house for our mother."

The second said,
"I sent her a Mercedes."

The third smiled and said,
"I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter,
Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Dear Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!"

"Dear Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes."

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes.
The chicken was Dee-licious!"


A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys deducted $95.00 in taxes.

XD

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut XD

or for you just climb in the tree XD

how many dragon ball z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb

OVER 9000!!!! XD

XD it was OVER 8000 in the manga :P

I have a joke...

Doragon XD

i have a fail

Jayster :P

how many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a light bulb

1 but it will take 6 episodes XD

Hahaha XD

Isn't that Yu-gi-oh?

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"