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TyranitTitan
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Posts : 2302 Location : Stop stalking me, creep
Subject: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 3:15 pm
Name: Zero Star Nickname: The Silent One Age: 30 Gender: Male Rank:Trainer Birthplace: ??? Battle Style: Attack ruthlessly Looks:Uncloaked: Cloaked:
Personality: Normal self: Evil, but contained. He doesnt kill and tends to avoid doing illegal things. He is overal cold and closed, usually never making friends or companions. He is smart, intelligent, a good leader, a decent startegist. Years of training to be as hard as possible made him find food that isnt spicy tasteless, and enjoys a good thai meal. Though not doing many illegal things, he is evil as mentioned before, and often hires people to kill for him. He has evil goals, doesnt pity his enemies, but isnt specially cruel. He is brave, so is a good survivor in cae of need.
Zoroark Alter ego: Evil and cruel. Will kill, mutilate and torture for his onw goals. Zero often uses this personality when he must kill. Even though there are two different personalities, they work in sinc and harmony. He enjoys the pain of others, and will not hesitate to inflict it, even under the nose of police. This personality is a total outlaw, and almost always is cloaked. He also likes spicy food above other. He is also a good tracker, and a good survivor, but his ability to survive in a jungle, desert, or island or any unhabited place doesnt come from braveness, but from the fact that he is litteraly fearless, due to evolution of Zoroark.
Likes: Spicy Food Sience Riddles Brain Teasers
Dislikes: Losing Things he cannot understand. This can lead to severe headaches, and even feaver. Large groups of people.
Weaknesses: Fear of menthol Fear that his split alter ego kills the one he loves Fear of losing Cant stand being around large groups of people Not understanding something an enemies tactic or logic can lead to severe headaces Losing can lead to severe headaches A blind spot just the size of a dot straight in the middle of his line of sight. He uses it to target enemies: When he cant see the blade, it means its in the heart of the enemy. It is very small, but can let a senbon or kunai through his guard.
History: Zero was a sequel to Xaviere Nemesis, created to stop him when he breached the evil lab made by team Void. Xaviere had been made to have the powers of the almighty Giratina, but they did not manage to capture him again to make Zero. Zero knew nothing of his powers until the age of 18. He grew up in a loving family, a bossy older brother, a annoying little sister, a Father that was never there, a mother with amazing cooking skills. Just and overal boring family. He was a popular boy at school, good athlete, black belt in a lot of martial arts, including kung fu, karate, kendo, and some others, But as the years passed he became more retracted to himself. He ended up never talking to his previous freinds, and one day realised he wasnt human, but also part.... Something. He was faster, stronger, and much smarter then a human. He found the Void lab, and demanded explenations. He was 18 at that time. They told him he was a Gijinka, a half Zoroark, ment to find and defeat Xaviere Nemesis, an escaped Gijinka. He went out on his hunt for Xaviere, but started to take him as a role model: he started following in his footsteps. One day he met him, traveling with one called "Kurogane Zakura" Kurogane gave him a gift. It was a pokemon, called Zoroark. It was at level 30, as smart as a ninja, and fit perfectly with Zero. As he traveled further, he encounterd Lokk, and much later Ziar Zakura. They where distant family, and superhumans, just like him. Ziar gave him Kunais, Lokk gave him Senbon, and a guy called Sasuke Uchiha gave him a Katana. (No, not a reference to Naruto, But a reference to an old character I made, as are all characters in this history). He discoverd that his strength , speed, and IQ where stronger then any humans. He discoverd that he had retractable claws and fangs of Zoroark. As he traveled, he met a buetifull young women, the same age as him. He was 25 at the time. This frinedly, pretty, smart, and overal almost perfect woman changed him. He was only part evil at the time, he supressed his darker ways, and became un-evil for a long time. They traveled a long time together, but then a big change made it in his life: he had to kill to defend them, as he was attacked. This tottaly change him. His true evil personaly took control. He told the woman, called Angelica Zakura, to hid from him. She fled, as she knew he was to dangerous. But to the day, they still skype call eahcother very often, almost to the day. Extra notes: Zero always carries a bag, containing a laptop and spy cameras, that he uses to spy on his prey, and hides many different weapons on him, including a katana. He has Insane climbing skills. He he a small high tech remote with a small screen and many button as a white metal bracer around his left arm. One of the buttons makes him cloaked, another acivates a little device on his making that outs him in ared and black suit. (Not a God Suit) Badges: Items: 5 Poke Balls Money: $6,200
Last edited by TyranitTitan on Fri Mar 21, 2014 1:58 pm; edited 18 times in total
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TyranitTitan
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Posts : 2302 Location : Stop stalking me, creep
Subject: Re: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 4:29 pm
ready for approval, and the two weeks have passed.
Fox Demon Avaritia
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Posts : 3342 Location : On her train, her hype train o3o
Subject: Re: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:18 pm
There are... several things I see with this app:
1. As discussed in the Chat, some spelling errors should be fixed.
2. Giginka isn't a trainer class, so you'd have to change that to one of the present ones.
3. Just from reading your app, your character screams "Gary Stu" to me, meaning that it's a perfect character without any flaws or things to balance him out. On top of limitless physical ability, he has abnormal intelligence, which could be fine, however you don't list anything bad about him. Does he have weaknesses? Dislikes? Things that can negatively impact him? Characters like this need balance. There is no such thing as a perfect character, list his downsides as well.
4. Your personality focuses on one aspect of the character, but doesn't go into detail about anything else. Could you expand it to tell a little more than just his killer-ness?
I'll wait for other staff input, as these are just the few things that came off the top of my head.
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TyranitTitan
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Posts : 2302 Location : Stop stalking me, creep
Subject: Re: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:44 pm
ok, i did everything i could think of
Nishwishes
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Posts : 1696 Location : England
Subject: Re: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:47 pm
In personality, it's meant to be his personality. All you've spoken about is how he handles his job. As Ava says, the rank is wrong and there's little to really round him off personality wise. In history - what are his origins? How did he gain abnormal intelligence or was it always there? Who are Team void and everyone else? If you're going to use such a character, we need details that will justify him.
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TyranitTitan
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Posts : 2302 Location : Stop stalking me, creep
Subject: Re: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:57 pm
team void is a team created by my other char, i edited personality, and his intelligence is from zoroark.
Lapis Lazuli
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Posts : 3848
Subject: Re: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 7:57 pm
This is hardly any better than your last character. This isn't an action-oriented, text-based role playing site like one based off of Naruto, Bleach, One Piece, Soul Eater, etc. Though its nice to see antagonists rise up, antagonists are better when they have faults that compliment who they are. Pokemon itself had great antagonists, and even N who well, was sort of the antagonist of Black and White games, had some excellent qualities that made us care about him. A good villain isn't what I see here at all. There's little room for growth or development other than say, him becoming a force of good. I suggest you scrap the idea entirely and try making an ordinary character whose just starting their journey. It's nothing over the top, its nothing absurdly powerful and has promise of character growth. Try something that isn't a blood thirsty, vicious killing machine created in a lab with the genetics of something else. People like to role-play with those who can develop their characters not only from creation to seem human, but also be written as if they are human with human emotion. This is the telling of a story that involves that specific character, and a one dimensional character who doesn't really make sense will easily appear faulty at best when compared to someone who went and earned their development. There's hardly any kind of antagonists on this site in the form of approved characters. I'm sure there are but seeing as I rarely deal in applications I don't know all of them, but I do usually try to keep tabs on those trying to play the villain.
In short, I refuse to see this application approved unless the fellow staff can sway my mind. As it stands, this character is by all means, more broke than a god damn Aura Trainer.
Deus El Machina
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Posts : 694 Location : Earth-15
Subject: Re: Zero Star Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:21 pm
Chuuch.
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TyranitTitan
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Subject: Re: Zero Star Sun Mar 16, 2014 9:49 pm
Ok, Major (yet not complete) to history and personality
Nishwishes
11
Posts : 1696 Location : England
Subject: Re: Zero Star Sun Mar 16, 2014 9:52 pm
Still not approved. Gijinka isn't a rank, his personality /still/ doesn't have a lot of personality in it and his history doesn't give a lot either - what happened before all of this went down? I still feel like he's overpowered. And this is the Pokemon world, there's no need for vampires in here.
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