Cyber Depression and Reality Mixes

Depressed.

That's how I've been feeling these past days. Just like the title says, I get depressed when I visit this place and in reality. When I come here, someone or two would usually come to me, say a few stuff and then I'll just find myself being bullied and harassed. Ironically, the "bad guys" would act as if I'm the bad guy and start being a hypocrite. They'd tell me to stop when they're the ones who started in the first place. It's just, woo. Suffocating.

In real life, mom's boyfriend and I don't seem to get along. Or at least, that's how I see it. I know this is about family so it's not right for you to hear this.

Let me clear things out: I know this is so not like me at all. I seem to have lost myself as well. No, I have not gone completely soft and weak. I'm not a shadow of my former self. Er, shadow of my former emotional self.

So uh, no, I'm not leaving permanently. That will never be an option. I don't even know why this should be in Introductions and Leaving. I think I'll stay off the CB for a while. Or better, not socialize for a while. I will come in the CB just to read what people are talking about and get on especially when my "foes" are there. They'll probably start coming at me. I know you're asking why would I do that when it's not necessary. Good question.

I use it as a fuel. I feed on their hatred towards me. Unknown cause of hatred towards me. I feed on it. Because I may be weak right now, they may have weakened me, but no. I'm ducking down to reload.

Someday, retaliation will come from me.

I'm tired of copy and pasting chat conversations and posting it here and there. I'm tired of personal messaging staff members just for them to step in and stop the fight. I'm tired.

Retaliation will come from me.

So uh, I don't know. I just want to get this off my chest. I'm sorry. And thank you for those who believe and trust in me. I'm very sorry for anything that's negative.

Again, I say it. Remember foes, retaliation will come.

Okay, wait. Staff members, just in case someone picks a fight with me again, what would you suggest me to do? I know we're both tired of me sending a personal message just to separate and stop the fight. So, I need an advice from the staff. I don't think it's a good idea for me to follow my own advice. Because that would be chaotic. Seriously. Thank you and I really look forward to a reply from the staff members. Thanks a lot.