Well, I found a couple of things you need to fix.
1. Could you get rid of the all caps on Jhoto, Blackthorn, Magicarp, and Porygon, only the first letters need to be capitalized in those words.
2. Your personality needs to be longer.
Yes, Magicarp is a Pokemon you're allowed to start with, so no worries (and you can delete your parentheses near the name ^^). Since it doesn't have any Egg or TM moves, I'll allow the Bounce.